Message

Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed
on to wives, girlfriends, fiancés, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc.
(to all women in general) These rules are to be communicated
prior to the World Cup in June/July this year...

LIST OF RULES
1. From 9th June to 9th July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor... it wont happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say “get over it, its only a game”, or “don’t worry, they’ll win next time”. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called “words of encouragement” will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying “one” game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to “spend time together”.

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don’t care if I have seen them or I haven’t seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

10. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying “but you have already seen this...why don’t you change the channel to something we can all watch??”, the reply will be: “Refer to Rule #2 of this list”.

11. And finally, please save your expressions such as “Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years”. I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Premier League, Italian League, Spanish League, etc etc.

12. Thank you for your co-operation.

Regards,
Men of the World

Fleeing the nest

Call me crazy but I have this absolutely overwhelming desire to move out. And I'm gonna be viewing properties with some real estate agents this Friday.

I'm crazy because I'm running at negative networth right now. My debts are more than my assets. But believe it or not, I'll find some way to get some $$$ if I actually find an apartment that I like.

I've hit 30 and passed it. I really can't stay with my parents anymore. I just can't.

It's not like I've got not enough projects on my hand at work that I need to undertake another project on the personal side. I guess there will come a day when the cuckoo has to fly from its nest. And this cuckoo is long overdue!

Maternal Instinct

I love babies. I love kids. But ONLY when they’re other people’s.

Y’know how when you reach certain age, you’re supposed to have that maternal instinct. It’s supposed to make you wanna have your own babies? How when you look at other tiny tots, it makes you feel warm and makes you melt inside etc…?

I like playing with babies. But its 10 minutes tops. After that, I just wanna shove the baby back to the mom or dad. ESPECIALLY if the little one starts crying or fidgeting too much. And I really do not have the patience to do the whole kiddy talk with toddlers.

Y’know like how adults would talk to small kids…..

Like:-

Mommy: Oh, look at that! (pointing to a picture of a flower in a book.) What’s that?
Kid: Flower.
Mommy: Clever girl. Can you tell me what flower that is?
Kid: (Silence)
Mommy: That’s a rose. Can you say ‘rose’?
Kid: Rose.
Mommy: Very good. Now what color is the rose? Can you tell me?
Kid: (Silence)
Mommy: This rose is red. See, this color is red. Just like your dress.
Kid: Red.
Mommy: That’s right. Your dress and the rose are the same color. Red.
Kid: Red.
Mommy: That’s my girl. (turns page) Now, do you know what this is?….

Oh God! I can’t do this….. I really can’t. I get tired, very fast.

Look, I’ve done the whole wake up in the middle of the night to ‘bancuh susu’ and feed the baby, washed soiled CLOTH diapers (nowadays you guys just use disaposable ones, cheating!) , give the baby a bath, change diapers, quiet a wailing baby, administer medication and take care of a sick baby…cook and carry a baby at the same time. Yeah, it’s dangerous. But when the kid is wailing her head off, and you’re trying to get dinner ready, you’ll do it too. Trust me.

All that without a maid in the house.

Anyway, point is, I’m NOT excited about motherhood. And I really can’t stand people (especially those with maids) WHO HAVE NEVER been through what I have, shoving their babies in my face and telling me that it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to them and that I should try it too. Yeah, it may be the best thing for YOU. But I’m not in a hurry. AT ALL. And don’t act surprised when I handle your baby better than you do. The only thing I’ve not done is give birth. And I’m not looking forward to that either.

And stop telling me that it’s different when you have your own kid. Yeah, right!!!

The Wedding Planner

The problem with having a wedding is that you can’t decide on it all by yourself. I’m referring to a few entries back regarding taking a loan to fund a wedding and it seems all of you (who I’m assuming are in the right mind) are against it.

Actually, I’m not for it either. I was just wondering if I had overlooked something. Which you guys have just proven that I haven’t.

So, if one wants to have a grand wedding and the other wants to have something a bit more modest and within budget, how do you compromise? Put wedding plans on hold and save up for the next 2 years? How do you deal with a 300 pax guest list? Bridal trousseau? Door gifts?

How do you start a life together when you have nowhere to stay? Rent first, buy property later? Stay with parents? Stay with in(out)-laws?

I first got proposed to 6 years back. (Different guy, of course!) The both of us actually sat down and worked out a budget. And this was what it looked like. (Bear in mind this was done in year 2000, no recalculation incorporating inflation rates.)

THE WEDDING BUDGET:
Caterers (500 pax) = RM20 x 500 pax = RM10,000
Hall rental = RM2,000 x 1 day = RM2,000 (staff rate)
Door gifts for guests = RM5 x 500 = RM2,500

Bridal Trousseau
Hantaran (Incl. wedding ring, 9 trays) = RM4,793
Bridal outfit (x 2) = RM1,496

Groom’s Expenses
Hantaran (excl. Wedding ring, 7 trays) = RM2,485
Duit Hantaran = RM5,000
Wedding ring = RM5,217
Groom’s outfit (x 2) = RM774

Total = RM34,265


Not including photography, dais, bridesmaid & best man’s outfit, PA system rental, invitation cards, honeymoon expenses, etc…

Phew!

Top 10 No-Brainer Diet Tips

10. Don't eat after 8:00pm.

9. Take coffee & tea straight. (NO SUGAR)

8. Order fresh fruit juice with NO SUGAR.

7. Eat rice only ONCE a day (preferably for b'fast or lunch-Yeay nasi lemak!!!)

6. Eat light for dinner.

5. Drink plenty of water (I mean H2O and not those starting with names like Jack or Johnnie! Or those with fizz in 'em!)

4. Increase vegetable consumption.

3. DO NOT snack between meals.

2. Eat 3 meals a day at regular intervals.

1. DON'T give up.

Vote

Can I take a vote?

Question: Would it be wise to take a loan from a bank to fund a wedding reception?

Your thoughts, please.

The weekend

Last weekend ended with me being stuck in bed for 2 days, down with flu. Just got back to work today.

On Friday evening, flew off to Kuching to attend a customer's 10th anniversary celebration which was to be held the next day. Got to watch Camelia perform at the dinner party. Guess she wasn't nominated for AIM eh?!

Flew back to KL on Sunday morning, landed in the afternoon, joined the boys for Happy Hour at BSC's Chilli's, went for my uncle's wedding anniversary dinner party at Ishq and ended the night with a karaoke-cum-surprise birthday party with another set of friends at News. That's how I ended up with a major flu on Monday morning!!!

Went to see the doctor and got 2 days MC. Mom said,"Next time no more marathons." I said, "But Mom, life's too short!" And Mom replied,"Yeah, well you don't have to make it shorter!"

That's Mom for you...

She knows I'll do it again! :-)